If you follow me on social media, then you probably know that I'm very big on the belief that its not your fault if you become addicted to an addicting substance that society has conditioned us to believe is a necessary part of life.   I'm talking about alcohol here.  An addicting substance that we can be judged for when we do not partake:  "Oh you dont drink?  I didn't know you had a problem."  (PS. I wasn't the problem.  Alcohol was the problem).  

Now I'm not the the only person who has this belief, there have been a lot of books written on this very subject.  This Naked Mind by Annie Grace and Alcohol Explained by William Porter are a couple that come immediately to mind, but there are more.  

So, when someone recently mentioned to me that they were having a hard time with this, it got my attention.  This individual (shared with permission) grew up with an alcoholic parent and struggles with the idea of letting...

I like to make people happy.  And especially when it comes to my family I can be a bit of a people pleaser.  Ok, I admit it, I can be a total pushover when it comes to my grandkids, but life is short right?  I love to spoil my grandkids.  It makes me happy.

But what about when you are pleasing others at the expense of yourself?  I recently worked with a client who was a people pleaser, even though she didn't want to be.  She didn't want to say no to anyone for fear of creating tension in the relationship.  She continued in this role because she didn't want people to think she was rude or disrespectful.  What she finally came to realize is that doing this, she was giving other people permission to take advantage of her.  She also realized that doing things, not because she wanted to, but because of obligation was actually being disrespectful to herself.  

So how do we handle this?  I'm so glad you asked.  We...

16 years ago yesterday, my adoptive mother left this world.  I was adopted as an infant so while she is my adoptive mother, she is the only mother I have known.  I didn't always agree with her, in fact we hadn't spoken for a year when she died.  My brother phoned me to tell me her time was close, so I got on a plane and came to her.  When I got to her bedside, she was not responsive.  Did she know I was there?  I don't know.  I'd like to think she did.  

She was born 3 months premature at the beginning of the Great Depression.  The fact that she even survived is a miracle.   Sadly, her mother did not survive and died 6 months after she was born.  Her dad was a musician and traveled a lot so she and her older sister were given to relatives to raise.  

Despite her rough beginning, she did grow up, go to school, graduate and get married.  Her first marriage was cut short when her new husband decided to...

Dear 2020, 

I gave you plenty of chances, but it's time for me to move on.  It's clear that this has been a toxic relationship. 

You see, 2020, I had goals.  Goals I defined back when I was still with 2019.  Goals that I set for the entire year.  Both professional and personal.   

Early in our relationship everything was great and I was excited for our future together.  But then you started hanging out with -COVID-.  At first it didn't seem to be all that big of a deal.  I was a little concerned in the beginning about what people were saying, but you seemed fine at the time, so I let it go.  But then Covid started occupying a lot of your time, and interfering with our relationship.  Everything was Covid this, Covid that.  I felt like I got left behind, sitting at home, wondering what happened.  

I had to scramble to change some of my goals.  Other goals I just had to let go. We were...

I've always been a bit of a rebel at heart and that was especially true when I was a teenager.  I stood up for what I believed in, even when it scared me to do it.  I stood up for myself when I left home early and was legally emancipated at the age of 16, following that I got my first apartment.  It was an ugly studio on the 3rd floor of an old brick apartment building, but it was mine and I loved it.  

So I'm always fascinated with learning about other brave teens stood up for what they believed in.  Freddie Oversteegen was a just a young girl when she joined the Dutch Resistance during World War II.  During the war, her mother hid a Jewish couple in their home, while Freddie and her sister began distributing anti-Nazi material.  It was during this time that Freddie was asked to join the Resistance.  She was 14 at the time.   They taught her to shoot and Freddie along with her sister, killed Nazis after seducing them and...

It's that time of year again when the floodgates open and we start seeing the holiday commercials that try to convince us that they know what will make us happy.  The big ribbon on top of luxury car on Christmas morning.  Coca-Cola is going to make us all hold hands and sing, kind of like the Whos of Whoville on Christmas morning.   Apple has a few heart tugging ones...anyone remember when "Franky" the Frankenstein shared a holiday message of happiness and acceptance that simply could not be done without his trusty iPhone 7?  And so on....

They all have something in common.  The message that their product is what will finally give us that happiness that has eluded us for so long.  Do I sound bitter?  I don't mean to.  I actually like the "Franky" commercial.  It's just that once your eyes are opened to the marketing science behind it, it's impossible to unsee it.  I first started seeing it with alcohol marketing, now I see it...

Girls aren't good at math.  I heard this from an early age from my adoptive father, who was a math teacher.  I totally bought into this stereotype at a young age.  Even though I kinda liked science and my adoptive mother told me I could be anything I wanted to be, I didn't fit my picture of what a scientist looked like.  At the time, I didn't fit anyone's picture of what a scientist looked like.  

I remember watching the first moon landing as a kid, I thought it was super cool.  I couldn't begin to imagine at the time what it took to get there.  And how they did it using computer processing power that is less than what we have in our cell phones today.  I remember thinking how cool it would be to do that.  But girls didn't do sciency or mathy stuff.  Ok, on Star Trek (which I loved then and still do today) maybe, but not in real life.  

Sally Ride was not the first woman in space.  But she was the first one that...

When my kids were close to graduating high school I used to go stand in the doorways of their rooms and look inside.  Because I was imagining what I would do with the space after they moved out.  Does that make me an awful mother?  I don't think so.  I was their mother then and I still am today.  Rather, I like to think that it was my role changing and that I got to enjoy my kids as adults...and have more space for me in the house at the same time.  

Rather, I like to think that it was my role changing and that I got to enjoy my kids as adults...and have more space for me in the house at the same time.  

I was proud of my kids and the adults they were becoming.  But I also felt some twinges.  The nest would be empty and they would be gone on their own.   In a way, it felt like I was losing a piece of my identity.  

When our kids become adults, our parental roles change.  Our kids are no longer...

Junko Tabei was a Japanese mountaineer who was the first woman to ascent Mt. Everest and the first woman to ascent the "Seven Summits."  The Seven Summits are the highest mountain on each continent (Everest is one of the Seven Summits).  

Junko was considered to be a frail child, but she did not let that stop her from starting her mountain climbing career at the age of 10.   To continue her climbing passion, she had to buck a Japanese cultural society that believed women should stay home, raise children and serve tea.   She started a ladies mountain climbing club in what was considered at the time male dominated territory.  And in 1975, she left her daughter with her husband to climb Mt. Everest with a group from her ladies climbing club, gaining fame as the first woman to do so.  

In her later years she went back to school and obtained a degree in Environmentalism and spoke out about the amount of tourism happening on...

2020 has been quite the year. 

From the Covid pandemic and Murder Hornets to devastating wildfires and the Election, well 2020 has been one for the books.  

This was a year for many (if not most of us) where we faced many times in our lives where the pressure mounted beyond what we felt we could handle and wondering if we have the strength to keep going.   I dont know about you guys, but to me it sometimes doesn't seem fair that when we have endured all we can, real life asks us to endure more.   There are days when it can just seem like too much.  

In 1991, I faced such a challenge.  While visiting family in another state my youngest child fell into a swimming pool at the age of 2 and quickly sank to the bottom during a family gathering.   We found him, quickly began CPR and called 911.  The paramedics saved his life, but not before he suffered oxygen deprived brain damage from being underwater. 

So many people...